A Father's Vow Read online

  Marissa nodded, her eyes dark with something Carolyn couldn’t define before she turned back to her husband. “Ben, my plane leaves in a few hours.”

  “I’ll have you at the airport on time. Bye, honey.” He kissed Lucy on the side of the cheek. She patted his face and then walked to the door with her elegant mother.

  Carolyn glanced down as the door closing behind them. The pain she’d so determinedly avoided suddenly flayed her. “She’s beautiful, Ben,” she said automatically, meaning Lucy but knowing the word encompassed his wife, as well.

  “Lucy is my soul’s joy.” He leaned forward and Carolyn’s gaze involuntarily rose to his face. “She means the world to me. I can’t even tell you how much I love my daughter.” It seemed that the earnestness left his eyes for a moment as he focused inward. Then he said slowly, “She has leukemia, Carolyn.”

  Denial sprang into Carolyn’s mind. “Oh, Ben!”

  She didn’t know what else to say. I’m sorry wouldn’t cut it. How terrifying! was all wrong. Why Lucy? Why Ben? Why his mother and his child?

  He put his head down, a slow surrender to pain, and sheltered his face with splayed fingers.

  But she’d seen the tear. She heard his heart breaking. She’d seen the panic in his eyes, in Marissa’s eyes.

  Once again, Ben wanted a yes from her. This time, there was no way she could deny him. She took a deep, steadying breath and reached out her hand to cover the clenched fist he’d braced on his knee.

  “I’m going to get you a soda from the kitchen,” she said softly, knowing he needed a moment to pull himself back together. “And then you and I will get to work on whatever it is that brought you to Finders Keepers.”

  “I need to find a miracle,” Ben said, his voice rasping with raw emotion.

  She squeezed his hand briefly and rose from her seat, not at all certain she was the one he should have come to for a miracle.

  * * *

  “WHEN MOM WAS in the hospital, she was doing a lot of walking down memory lane.” Ben had enjoyed hearing about his mother’s childhood. He’d already known a lot about her past life, but it had brought them closer together to share the walk she needed to take. “In the final days, she focused on Lucy, and I probably don’t have to tell you that Mom was intense. Lucy was…special.” He smiled, somehow self-deprecatingly. “She’s special to me, too, of course, but Lucy and Mom were really connected.”

  “Grandparents occupy a magical place in children’s lives,” Carolyn murmured.

  He frowned, realizing he’d heard her say that a long time ago. It had been six years since they’d broken up, yet there was so much he could still remember about Carolyn. She’d been important to him in a way no one else had ever been. Maybe the innocence of youth had deepened the level of understanding between them. Tightened their connection.

  It had been difficult to come here today, to face the woman he’d loved so deeply. No man willingly sought out a woman who’d rejected him. Avoiding pain was what a man did best. He would never have married Marissa if he hadn’t been running from his shattered emotions. But his mother seemed to think Carolyn could help Lucy. Heaven only knew, what he was going to ask of her was impossible. Unthinkable.

  Carolyn was a woman, not a savior.

  “In the hospital, Mom revealed to me that I’d had a twin. She gave birth to two children, both boys.” He swallowed. It still felt strange to repeat his mother’s incredible words. “The other child—“ he couldn’t say my brother “-was stillborn, according to the nurse who attended her.”

  Carolyn’s hand flew to make a notation, then her gaze met his again. He saw calm in her eyes, none of the raging fear and panic he felt. Her acceptance of his pronouncement allowed him to continue.

  “At the time Mom delivered, apparently a black market baby ring was in operation in Texas, ghastly as that sounds. Newborns have always fetched top dollar. Mom had two, and she believes that one of them may have been…stolen.”

  “But if one was stillborn, then why would the baby have been stolen?”

  “Mom believes she heard the cry of another infant in the room. Two babies crying, but only for a few seconds. She was groggy from medication—even then women were often put to sleep to have children.”

  “I know. My mother said it was wonderful to wake up and be handed a baby.”

  He nodded. “Mom says she was already coming out of the anaesthesia when she heard the crying. But when she was told that one of her children had been stillborn, she didn’t suspect that anyone would lie to her about it. She was young, seventeen, and my father was away at a farmer’s market in Fort Worth, and…”

  “She was overwhelmed and frightened. And too young to question what she’d heard.”

  “Right.” A sigh escaped him. “I won’t tell you that I embraced this story of hers when she told me. I know Mom was desperate to find a bone marrow match for Lucy, and at a success rate of one in three million, we’d need an angel to guide us in finding one.”

  Carolyn made no comment, didn’t raise an eyebrow in disbelief. He’d gotten past the hard parts without rejection. She seemed to take in every word he said with complete empathy.

  “Mom was rambling at the end somewhat, and this could easily be the wishful thinking of a dying woman. I know wishful thinking is more my companion every day, but even I know how implausible this sounds.”

  “I’m sure you and Marissa have run through both sides of your family tree for possibilities?”

  “Of course.”

  Carolyn held his gaze for a second before looking at her notes. He had the feeling she was deep in thought. Her green eyes were alert, her posture erect. She’d always had a curvaceous, knock-out body, but the coral suit she wore gave her a professional demeanor. He liked the fact that the body he remembered so well was hidden beneath a jacket, knee-length skirt and gauzy blouse—a secret he would have preferred to keep his alone.

  Pushing back auburn-tinted, rich brown hair, Carolyn met his gaze again. His heart stilled as he realized she was about to pronounce the time, dollars and energy this search would require.

  “Ben, there are records which can be searched easily enough to get us started. It is true that long-lost relatives have been found as a result of searches by loved ones who suspect exactly what your mother did. But the outcome is a long shot, and I’m sure you know that.”

  He nodded.

  “Still, it’s not unthinkable.”

  “You’ll do it, then?” The relief that swept through him was a crashing ocean wave flinging him onto a beach of hope.

  “I’ll present your case file to Lily and Dylan Garrett. They’re better equipped to assist you. Lily has experience as a forensics expert for the FBI, and Dylan worked as an undercover detective. Actually, he was instrumental in breaking that baby-selling ring last spring. We’ve also started to refer cases to Budnicki-Morales Private Investigations in Midland-Odessa. Jennifer Rodriguez works there, and she is top-notch at locating missing persons.”

  “While I appreciate your advice to put my case in experienced hands, you said yourself that records could be easily searched to start the ball rolling. That’s something you can do yourself, isn’t it?”

  She nodded. “Yes, but—”

  “Where are the Garretts right now?”

  Her expressive emerald eyes widened. “Lily is getting married, so she’s tied up with wedding details, and Dylan is out of town handling some of her caseload.”

  “So, they’re otherwise occupied and not likely to give top priority to this case.”

  “The Garretts are thorough in their attention—”

  “I know. My point is that my daughter is very ill with acute lymphocytic leukemia. I don’t have the luxury of time. You said yourself the research process could easily be started. In fact, I
’m here because of Carolyn St. Clair, not the Garretts. I trust you, and I know you well enough to know that you’ll use all your energy to tear into the facts like a tenacious bull, Carolyn.”

  “Thanks, I think,” she murmured.

  He reached to touch her chin with his finger, so that she’d meet his eyes. “I need you for this, Carolyn. Mom sent me here with her last breath, to find you and ask you for your help. She knew you loved her…knew you’d fall in love with Lucy.”

  Knew you’d loved me. He didn’t say it, but the words hung between them, implied and poignant. For whatever reason she’d left him—and that was a mystery he’d never unlock now—he knew in his heart that when Carolyn St. Clair loved someone, she loved with all her soul.

  He was counting on that for Lucy.

  CHAPTER TWO

  WHEN BEN LOOKED at her like that, with his eyes full of hope that she’d say yes, Carolyn put her personal reservations aside for the moment. “Tell me everything your mother told you. Anything you can remember she said before she died.”

  “The doctor who delivered me was Douglas Benton. He worked with his wife, Vivian—she assisted him in a midwife capacity.”

  “Your mother didn’t go to a hospital?”

  “No. For one thing, she was from tough country stock. Her mother’s children were born at home, and Mom didn’t know there was another way to do it. Also, she and Dad simply didn’t have the cash to go to a hospital. Remember, back then a person paid medical bills out of their own pocket. Ironically, Dad had gone to market to sell some crops, hoping to have enough money for whatever they needed when I was born.” He withdrew a photo from his wallet of a smiling family: a tall man in an ill-fitting suit, a woman holding a blanket-wrapped baby in her arms.

  Carolyn felt chills sweep her. “So if your mom hadn’t come out of the anesthetic early, she might never have thought there was another living child.”

  He shook his head. “If I really do have a brother, it’s a miracle that we know to start looking for him. At the same time, I don’t want to get my hopes up. Why did Mom never remember this before? That’s what I keep coming back to.”

  “I had surgery once for something minor,” she said, not meeting his eyes and not about to tell him her deepest, darkest secret, “and I was very groggy when I awakened. I was also more nauseated than I’d ever been in my life. To be honest, I was focused on the pain I’d begun to feel and not my surroundings.”

  “Maybe that’s what Mom experienced. Anyway, being in the hospital seemed to make Mom want to talk about her life. I never knew as much about my mother as I did during those days before she died. I wish I’d tape-recorded it for Lucy’s sake, because I can’t possibly remember everything she said.”

  Carolyn smiled. “You sound like it was a good experience for you.”

  “It was. I could tell she’d made her peace with her situation, and that she wasn’t afraid of—“ He took a deep breath. “And that made me not afraid. But then all of a sudden, she became noticeably weaker. She began talking about my brother, and it was as if she couldn’t…let herself die until she’d relived those moments of her delivery. I saw her turn into a frightened young girl who was upset that her baby was coming when her husband, her most trusted friend and provider, was out of town. Her parents weren’t close enough to make it in time. She was young, alone, afraid.”

  “Possibly a ripe target for a baby ring, if that is indeed what happened.”

  “Maybe so. She was vulnerable, that’s for sure. And there were no witnesses, except for the doctor’s wife, and she’s not going to want to tell us anything, if there is something to tell.”

  “Did you happen to look through Eileen’s records when she was in the hospital? Usually they’re close at hand with the nurses.”

  He shook his head. “I never even thought to look at her chart. How would that have helped?”

  “Probably it wouldn’t have. But I would have been curious to know if your mother continued to see Dr. Benton after your birth.”

  “I don’t think she did. Otherwise I would have remembered him. Her oncologist is Dr. Tristan Collins. I can’t say I liked him very well. He was overconfident and young. Perhaps if I’d met him under different circumstances… Actually, I believe I was put off by the fact that he was so young. The nurses were smitten with him, and so was Mom. She kind of glowed whenever he came into the room.” He smiled wryly. “I wanted a grizzled, mature doctor like the ones you see on television to miraculously heal my mother.”

  Carolyn lowered her eyes for a second. “I’m so sorry, Ben.”

  “Oh, I was just mad at the world, I guess. Dr. Collins has an excellent medical record, and he made my mom happy because he didn’t treat her as if she were sickly and fragile, which she was. He treated her as if she were still vibrant and beautiful, which was exactly what she needed at the time.” He stared at his hands. “Dr. Collins is how we discovered Lucy was ill.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Mom was taking care of Lucy for me one day about six months ago. She went by Dr. Collins’s office to get some paperwork, and he happened to walk through the waiting room. He stopped to chat to Lucy—she’s quite a chatterbox-and he noticed a bruise on her arm. He asked Mom about it. Mom was astonished and assured Dr. Collins that the bruise hadn’t been there when she’d helped Lucy dress. She couldn’t remember Lucy bumping into anything, or getting knocked down by one of the dogs. Dr. Collins suggested Mom walk Lucy down the hall to one of his colleagues, a pediatrician. He called himself to have the doctor take a look at the bruise, which was ugly and big and greenish-blue.”

  He stopped, and Carolyn pinned her gaze on him, not wanting to hear the rest and yet knowing she had to. She gave Ben time to assemble his thoughts.

  “And that,” Ben said softly, “is how we came to have Lucy tested for leukemia. I don’t have to tell you that my whole world came undone.”

  Carolyn sat very still.

  “Perversely, I don’t like Dr. Collins, when I know very well he is the only person who gave us a fighting chance with Lucy’s life.”

  She put a hand on his briefly. “Ben, no one is going to blame you for wanting to shoot the messenger. You’ve lost your mom and your daughter is ill. You can have all the skewed emotions you want. I’m sure Dr. Collins would understand.”

  “Lucy has tremendous regard for him. When she had her first round of chemotherapy, Dr. Collins came to visit her in the hospital.”

  “I see.”

  “With a giant teddy bear.”

  She made a note on her pad. “I should talk to Dr. Collins and see if he has anything he can share about your mother that isn’t restricted to doctor-patient confidentiality.”

  Ben remained silent.

  “Ben?”

  His gaze traveled over her, ever so slowly, and a strange sensation swept through her as he assessed her businesslike suit, her chin-length auburn hair, even her fingernails, which were short and coated with clear polish. Suddenly, she longed for sexy red polish and long, elegant nails.

  “You haven’t changed at all, Carolyn,” Ben told her.

  She didn’t know if that was a compliment or just a general observation.

  “Only you would understand that I was mad at that doctor for being the one to figure out Lucy was ill and for not being able to cure Mom. I wanted the impossible from him, and no matter how irrational that is, you just sit there and nod your head. Like you understand everything I’m feeling, even if I can’t understand it very well myself.” He paused for a moment before saying, “It feels great to talk to you again, Carolyn.”

  Searching around for something to say amid the morass of emotions that engulfed her, Carolyn found herself spared by the opening of the agency door. Marissa strode in, and Lucy sprang into her daddy’s lap.

&
nbsp; Marissa looked at Carolyn, a question mark in her eyes.

  Carolyn stared at the beautiful woman who seemed on the surface to have everything, and then at the man holding the little girl who meant the world to him. “This is as good a place to start as any,” she said to Ben. “Let me call a few people, and then we’ll talk again.”

  They watched her, and Carolyn had the distinct feeling she was the point on a triangle the other two sides needed to retain their shape. She stood, arming herself with professional courtesy.

  “I know you have to get to the airport, Marissa, so I won’t keep you further. Lucy, I’ll be seeing you soon.”

  She smiled at the family as they walked in front of her to the door.

  Ben turned back to stare at her, and she met his gaze as evenly as she could.

  Then he left. She closed the door behind them, walked through the main reception area and into her own office.

  She sat in the silence for a few moments, quietly thinking about Ben and everything he’d been through. Examining the feelings she’d once had for him.

  Strangely enough, it had not been difficult to see him with Marissa. Not the way she’d always imagined it would be.

  Breath stole back into her body. She was okay—her emotions surprisingly unscathed.

  If Lily and Dylan wanted her to begin the initial casework, she could handle it. Eileen’s faith in her gave her the backbone and desire to make certain everything in her power was done to find a miracle for Lucy.

  The first thing she was going to do was put in a call to the hospital to find out how she herself could be tested as a donor match for Lucy. She knew the initial step was a simple blood test, but maybe, just maybe, she could justify Eileen’s faith in her. Even if the missing brother turned out to be nothing but the wistful hallucination of a dying woman, Carolyn herself might be able to provide the miracle Lucy needed.

  Ben would never have to know.

  * * *

  DR. COLLINS smiled at her when he met her in his office, and Carolyn recognized immediately that they shared a common interest.